Change of Plans?

There might be a slight change in plans...

India might not happen as soon as I think.

The college situation has changed and the financial also.

Bare with me as I sort everything out.

Seems like nothing is set in stone now.

But, I can almost taste the fresh mangoes from the mango farm in India. I can almost smell those fragrant spices wafting my way. I can almost see the people I call family, welcoming me into their homes and stuffing me with their homemade cooking. Ah, it's almost tangible...

Objective

So, I haven't really established an objective for this blog.

I'm continuing this blog for two reasons: 1.) For a computer literacy class 2.) To share my adventure in trying to return to India.

Now, back to the topic at hand.

I just sent out the visa application, AGAIN. This is the third time I've done it. Apparently, I've gotten it wrong the rest of the times. So hopefully, I didn't mess up THIS copy of my visa application. I've spent approximately... $60 worth of overnight mailing. Ugh.

I've still yet to decide whether I am to go to college right away or take a gap year. Of course, the family has a strong opinion and wants me to go to college right off the bat. For me, I feel like I need a break from all this chaos and work to just breathe and figure out what I am going to do in life. So, we'll see how that goes. Either way, life will lead me back to India. India is calling me back.

Trying to figure out my plans when I go to India. The idea of possibly searching for a music school in India is appealing. My Tabla teacher has thrown that idea at me too. He is willing to train me and ready me for college level Tabla. I'm not sure if I should be excited by the prospect of it or just plain scared out of my mind. I would probably attend music school later in life though, not now. I guess the reason why I say "later" is because going to a music school in India not only entails me learning intense Tabla (which at one point I practiced 6-9 hours a day when I was there) but it's also the matter of language and how I will have to learn Hindi.

I am not fluent in Hindi. I know enough HIndi. But I am better at the home state language that I learned (Gujarati). I understand Gujarati more than I understand Hindi. So, trying to learn Hindi on top of doing some intense training of the Tabla is just too much at this point. Hence, that will be a "later in life" endeavor I'll pursue when I am ready.

I'm getting another job this summer to make some money for the trip. Let's see how this all turns out.

Tata. =)

Visa

I applied for my visa. =)

I am not leaving for India for a while, but I want to get my visa early. I guess I wanted to get it to remind myself of what lays ahead of me.

I've contacted many in India. They are all awaiting my arrival now. I can't wait to see them.

To the people who have been abroad and established a life elsewhere:

It's hard, no? To be back in America? It's almost been a year since I've been back and I still am made fun of for my little Indian mannerisms. I talk to my friends in India as much as I can. I want to make sure they know that I haven't forgotten about them. I wish that I could contact them more. (Some of them don't have Facbook).

It's weird to live life here, go to school and have friends here as life in India still continues. It's become apparent to me now that time will not stop and wait for me. My friends will move on to college soon (in India.) And I'll just come to India for a little amount of time to see the end result of a year apart.

I miss India more and more as I write about it.

Mera Dil Hindustani Hai

It's almost been a year since I've blogged.

But, my heart still lays in India. My eyes want to see what my heart yearns.

I want to see mango trees again. Rickshaw drivers. I want to see my friends dance in colorful attire in circles during Navratri. I want to see colored powder thrown in my face for Holi. I want to see kites flown in Surat once more as the sunset bursts in the sky. I want to see Camels on the street again. I want to see the back waters of Kerala. The great Himalayas and live in Dharamsala. I want to see the Taj Mahal and the sun rising in Jailsamer; the golden city.

After all this time. I still miss it. Because here I am, stuck in the conformity of this consumer wasteland that is the American dream. The vicious cycle that everybody, at one point in there life has realized, but have chosen to ignore. Getting into debt at a young age, then going to school, finding a job to pay off that debt, then the mortgage, then the car, then you have kids, and they go through the same thing.

Is it a crime if I want to live?

Break free and fly.

Boundless to find the possibilities that can be my life.

I can almost grace the thin line between my reality and dream. It's tangible.

Goodbye

I woke up early today. Looked around my room and saw my suitcases. I realized where I was and when I was; the end of my year. I lay there just stunned. I didn't know what to do.

Goodbyes are hard, don't know what else to tell you. I went around today numb, feeling just empty. I acted like I would see my friends just tomorrow, but no, I'm not going to. I have refrained from crying at all. I don't want to. I want to be happy before I leave, bring all these memories back with me. I can't help but feel upset about it though. I'm a bit terrified to leave, what I will go back to will be familiar, but not at the same time. I don't know how it will be like. Back to my hometown, I remember my life there before I came, and now, I have even forgotten where I came from, being here in India so long. So much change, so much time has passed. So, what will it be like. I feel this sort of epic beat in my heart, excitement and even anxiety. What will I do when I go back? What will my life be like then? I am just going to be spending my time on the plane just thinking about what to do... this has been the most emotional ride of my life.

What a year. Year of my life. Incredible India. Really is something. When I arrive, I am going to run into my mother's arms and grandmother's arms and hug and pick up my brother. It's just the definition of bittersweet...

Last Days

The heat is unbearable at times, makes me feel like I could take anything when I go back to America.

I can already imagine what it's going to be like, being in Mumbai, alone... waiting.

But you know, I am not so sad, I am but I am not. I just realized how much of an experience this has really been for me...The ups and downs... wow.

I made it to India, and it's been amazing...

Rajkot Heat

Why Hello.
Hi.
How do you do?

Wow. So I have been really bad at blogging. And I am not trying to actually hide it. It's been chaos here. I am in Rajkot right now and I am preparing for my Tabla exam. There is just more and more material I have to prepare for this exam. I have been really busy studying.

Let me think... There is a lot to say. I got back from touring the South a couple weeks ago. And wow, the South is Incredible. Kerala was amazing. Green, lush. Wow. Tamil Nadu was the same, and there I meant the other student from the same district as me, it was cool to see her. Over all, all I can say about the South is... wow. You have to see it for yourself.


I feel bad, but I don't have much time to type.
Things are fine now, for a second I thought they weren't, but they are.
And to people I haven't contacted in a while via e-mail, my apologies. I haven't had much internet really...

Hope all is well.